December 14, 2007 - Thoughts about my little girl

Recent events and conversations have spurred me to blog about my baby girl. Not about the progress she is making, though that is awesome. (We tried doing the two switch thing in therapy on Tuesday and, while she didn't tolerate therapy as long, she was grasping the concept!) But about my little girl. She is such a treasure to me. Every smile puts a little bit of sunshine in my heart. Every laugh or squeal or kick of her feet makes me so proud of her, because not too long ago, there were no laughs or squeals or kicks.

There are days when it's so hard. When I get so tired of making all the decisions on my own, when I just want someone to cuddle up with at the end of the night. Someone to talk about my day with, who understands how hard it can be at times. I've been asked many times, though, if, given the chance, I would try to change things and make them work with Sean. And my answer is always, without a thought or a doubt, no. I have the best part of him now, I don't need anything more from him. Were it up to me, I would never hear from or see him again. Never have to worry about him demanding visitation with Brianna, or fighting the child support agreement. Honestly, that is my biggest fear. Now that the courts are establishing child support, once he starts paying, he'll be within his rights as her father to demand visitation.

I don't know, I'm really starting to ramble now, aren't I, Damien? I told you I tend to do that in my blogs.

It's funny, though. A while ago, Brianna woke up fussing, and I had Sarah go upstairs and pick her up and bring her down to get her diaper changed. After she changed her diaper, Sarah was cuddling Brianna. And I got so jealous I wanted to cry. I never in my entire life imagined I would feel love as intensely or as desperately as I do for my baby girl. She is my world. I live for every smile, every snort. Of course there are things about parenting I dislike. Cranky days and dirty diapers are chief among them. But if I were given a choice between tolerating the cranky days to get the good days, and not having her, I'd always take the cranky days. She makes my life worthwhile. I don't know how to describe it. It's really beyond words. She's beyond everything I ever imagined a child could be. And every smile, every sound, every inch of progress makes me immeasurably proud of her.

December 8, 2007 - Christmas Time is Here Again

Okay, just wanted to jot out a quick little note about Brianna and how well she is doing, and post our Christmas pics.

Brianna is doing very well. Last Thursday, we got her new AFOs readusted. Adam typically makes the AFOs with two pieces, a hard inner shell that wraps around the front of the foot, then the outer shell that wraps around the back. But Brianna's heels weren't sitting back in the outer shell the way they should have. So we had Adam cut the inner shell to where all that is left of it is a piece shaped kinda like a Pringle's potato chip. Well, a little bit more to it than that. It's hard to explain. Anyway, we had him reshape it, and reconfigure the velcro straps so that they buckle differently, and now the AFOs work wonderfully.

We also got a TLSO soft vest made for Brianna. It's not to correct scoliosis, as they normally are. This one is strictly for use in positioning her in her stander, her wheelchair, her walkabout, or other positioning equipment. We tried it on Friday in her wheelchair for the first time, and it's amazing the difference having that vest makes in her ability to control her movements! Granted, she didn't tolerate her therapy as long, but that could've been just as much due to exhaustion as anything. She's been rather fussy the past few days, so I think she might be teething again.

Anyway, other than that, not a whole lot is going on. My sister, Sarah, moved back up here to stay with us. I don't know if I posted in earlier blogs about her staying here with us watching Brianna, or not, but she had been here, but went back to California, so that she could get a job and a place of her own. Well, winter weather set in before she was able to put her plans into action, and there is no way anyone would've been comfortable with her driving that 50 mile stretch of river highway in the winter months. Plus my brothers were starting to get on her nerves. So she asked if she could come back up here, and I told her yes. Now she is going to work at Sunnyside, where I was working, hopefully, and we'll get a three bedroom house or apartment, as soon as we can save enough money for it. I'm anxious. I want that bigger place. Anyway, that's all for now. Here are our Christmas Pics.