October 17/18, 2008 - Peek-a-Boo!

Okay, so it's time for an update, I guess. Gotta keep my readers reading, right? But, I'm kinda worn out tonight, so am just going to jump right in with the most recent events, then back track at a later date.

Brianna had a feeding clinic appointment on Tuesday. She really hasn't gained much weight in the past four months or so. And since she's been retching and we've had to decrease her rate of flow on the feeding pump significantly, we can't really increase it again. We've tried, and she just gets really irritable and her tummy gets upset. So, the dietician is having us add Duocal to her formula to increase her caloric intake. So far, she seems to be tolerating it fairly well, with only a slight increase in the retching. We've also doubled her Reglan dose, to help speed the formula through her system, in hopes of cutting down on those early morning and late evening retching episodes. So hopefully, between the two, we can get Bri gaining weight good here soon. As long as she doesn't hit 30 lbs. within the next month....4 lbs. is a bit too much of a weight gain.

Other than the feeding clinic appointment, there's not a lot new here. Bri's babysitter is sick with the flu and pink eye, and her doctor told her she's highly contagious, so, since my sister isn't returning my calls or text messages (gee, how nice....really shows I can count on her...), I'm going to have to call in to work tomorrow. Mary is in Wisconsin, because her mom passed away, and she's getting everything organized there. Damien was in Wisconsin for the funeral, but I don't know if he's back yet or not, and I'd really rather not have to call him, since it feels like such a burden when I do. He's got better things to do anymore. So, unless my sister grows up and returns my phone calls, proving she can be counted on when I need her, then, I get a three day weekend.

You know the ironic thing about my sister's attitude? Just a few weeks ago, she was wanting me to pull Bri out of daycare and get rid of the weekend sitter, so she (my sister) could watch Bri full time and make the $1500 a month that goes to the two sitters. (Yes, you read that right, $1500 a month. I pay $425 a month for childcare, and then a program called Inclusive Childcare pays an additional $1000 a month, give or take, for Brianna, because she requires so much more care than a typical toddler.) But, I didn't pull Bri out, because I didn't think my sister would be reliable. I thought she'd get sick of it before long, and leave me in the lurch, like she has done so many times in the past. And here she is now, my only back up, who swore she would watch Bri any time I needed her to, and she refuses to even return my calls to say she can't watch Bri. Instead, she takes the cowards' way, and ignores me. Scary thing is, though, last night, I tried to call her because I was really drowsy on my way home from work. I had seen the doctor and been prescribed some meds, and they made me drowsy. I was driving from work to daycare to pick up Brianna, and I couldn't focus, and felt really bad. So I tried to call my sister, who lives just blocks away from daycare, to see if she could come drive me home. But, she didn't answer, and didn't return my call or my message. So, I ended up driving home myself, windows down for the cold air, about 10 mph below the speed limit, scared out of my mind that I'd fall asleep at the wheel and hurt my baby again.

Okay, so, reading all of this, my anger at my sister seems pretty ridiculous. But, I can't help but be angry. I'm supposed to be able to count on her. She came to Oregon to be a help to me, to lend a hand when needed. But now that she's got a new boyfriend, has a new job, is going to school, and lives elsewhere, she can't be bothered to even return a phone call. Nevermind the thought of asking her to go to lunch or something. Unless alcohol is involved. I feel as if she can't spare the time for family, she's so wrapped up in her boyfriend. And he's a nice guy. But he's the first one to encourage her to talk to me, to help out, to step up and all that. It isn't him that's doing it, at all. It's her.

Anyway, I think it's the drowsiness from my meds starting to talk now, so I'm going to sign off for now. Otherwise I'm going to start typing real gibberish.