November 12, 2007 - The Little Stinker!

Brianna is such a little stinker! Yesterday, we went to church with Mary. When we got back, I was completely exhausted! I put Brianna down on the floor to watch her cartoons, and I stretched out on the couch with my book, biding my time till dinner. Suddenly, I hear this shriek! Brianna was playing on the floor, as happy as could be. But it appeared she had the tubing from her feeding pump wrapped around her throat! I started panicking! What a horrible mom to be so absorbed in my book as to not notice this! So I slid down on the floor, untangled her, and twisted her around again. It wasn't wrapped around her throat, thankfully, but the little stinker thought it was funny! Then, five minutes later, she did it again! The little bugger has certainly learned how to get into trouble! I actually had to MOVE two of my wicker baskets from beneath the coffee table, to get them away from her. And there's no keeping her toys tucked in a neat little corner. She does her darndest to get into that corner and sling them all over the place. But she takes such joy in it, kicking and shrieking as she does, I can't be angry with her. Oh, the joys of being a mother.

On the sad side, though, I saw our first picture of Brianna the toddler. I know, I know, you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about, she's been a toddler for a while. But on Saturday when we saw Mary, she took some pics of me and Brianna. And she got them developed. When I looked at them on Sunday, one of them in particular struck me. Brianna looked so much like a little girl! Till then, I had stubbornly refused to view her as anything but a baby. But when faced with such incontrovertible proof of her growth, I felt my heart break just a tiny bit. Just hours before, sitting in church service, I had been thinking to myself, "I'm so lucky. While other children Brianna's age are growing up, sticking their fingers in light sockets, tearing into things, running in the road, I get to keep my baby longer." Then, I see this picture, and it's like Fate or God or someone is slapping me in the face saying, "Ha ha, I don't think so! You can't keep her little forever."

To make matters worse, this song has been haunting me! You might know it. It's called "In My Arms", by Plumb. The first verse goes like this:

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do
Is hold you tight

Can you imagine the emotional turmoil I have been experiencing having these thoughts, with this song playing backdrop to them? I feel like I'm becoming a raving lunatic! Why does she have to grow up? Why can't she stay my baby girl forever?