November 10, 2007 - Drama, Drama, Drama

Man, you'd think I'd get a break from the drama, wouldn't you? But nooo...never! Here are the latest developments in our lives:

Brianna continues to do well in therapy, learning more about using her head to control the wheelchair, and taking more steps in the walkabout. She is learning to make choices between objects or activities in speech therapy, either using visual contact - look at the object, look at the person holding it, then look at the object again, or by using a step-by-step switch to scan through a selection of items, then turning away to select it. The speech pathologist says she thinks Brianna is making a conscious decision about 70% of the time, which is really good.

In other news, I had to give notice at work. See, Brianna's weekend nanny, the girl who seemed so wonderful, that I was raving about to everyone, turned out to have a few issues. I won't delve into those issues, being as they are rather personal to her, but suffice it to say, they are rather disturbing to me, and I no longer felt safe leaving my daughter in her care. I don't seem to be able to find and keep good childcare for Brianna for the weekends. The daycare provider, whom I was so hesitant about, has turned out to be quite wonderful, and is actually holding a spot for Brianna until January, when I intend to go back to school. But in the meantime, between now and January 7th, when I begin classes again (hopefully), I am not working, I am staying home, working with Brianna, hopefully trying to get things organized and maybe use some of her Title V money to buy a step-by-step, a few jelly bean switches, and some adaptable toys for her, in addition to, possibly, some other things.

Giving notice at work really wasn't as horrible as one might think. For one, I had already planned to give notice in December so that I could go back to school. I had my previous coursework evaluated, and with it, I can complete the two year Speech Language Pathology Assisting program in one year. Hopefully. Or two years, at part time. Not sure yet. But it's quite fortunate, because out of 45 general education credits, I have achieved, according to the transcript evaluation, 44. Just need to take another PE class, maybe another science class, and I'll be fine.

Admittedly, between now and the time I graduate, money will be tight, and my stress level is going to skyrocket. But I have realized two things in relation to my life and my future. First of all, if I ever want to make anything of my life beyond what can be made of one working a minimum wage job washing dishes, then I have to finish my schooling. I can't just let 3 years of education and $30,000 worth of college loans add up to nothing. Secondly, if I want to keep my sanity about me, there is no way I can juggle school, work and Brianna's therapy schedule. So I cut out the one that we can most do without. Brianna HAS to have her therapy, there's no compromising there. And I HAVE to finish my education in order for us to ever have a life independent of the state. And so, I have to suck up my pride and go down to DHS yet again to apply for aid, yet again, so that I can finish school and forge a new path.

Is there any doubt in your minds now that I'm going nuts? If you still doubt it, read my latest entry in my other blog. Maybe then you'll believe me when I tell you I'm about a hair's breadth away from sitting in a corner, drooling, babbling and rocking.