Well, there's not much new here today. Brianna has a cold, which is making her miserable. On top of that, she's not adjusting well to nights in a new apartment. Tonight, she started falling asleep on the floor by 8:00pm. I would've put her to bed right then, if I hadn't needed to give her her meds still. So she ended up going to bed promptly at 9:00, which is supposed to be her bedtime. Well, she fussed for almost an hour, until I went upstairs and got her out of bed. I cuddled her for a few minutes, then took her back up, put her down, and hooked her back up to her feeding pump. She fussed off and on from that time, which was about 10:00pm, until almost 12:30am. She would sleep for a few minutes, then wake up and fuss for a few minutes. Sleep. Then fuss. It's both heart wrenching and frustrating, because she needs her sleep, and I need the break and the peace, but I can't bear to hear her crying. It's so frustrating trying to do it all alone. It's times like that when I really miss Damien, and having his help.
Anyway, other than that, not much new here. Same old struggles, same old frustrations. You know the drill.
Just a quick update for you all who might be curious as to what's going on with us. We got all moved in to our new apartment. Took about 5 days of moving stuff, and a couple hours of cleaning, but it's all done. We've got most everything unpacked and set up, too, and it's starting to feel like home.
Brianna's Walkabout is ready for pick up. But since the PT is gone all week, we don't get to pick it up until April 3rd, when we see her next. But I'm excited to get it. And we have room for it now, in our new aparment :-).
Other than that, nothing new. A lot of emotional stuff going on for me right now, but I won't blog about it here. If you have access to my other blog, you can read about it there. Thanks for checking in!
"Brianna smiles. It lights up her face. Her eyes glow, her cheeks dimple, and those four little teeth peek at me, barely risen above the gums. She kicks and coos, and I swear she must be the happiest baby in the world."
I wrote that a few months ago when I was taking a writing class through the community college. It was part of an "image notebook" we had to keep: in depth descriptions of things we saw, felt, heard, tasted, or smelled throughout the week.
Of all the things about parenting that there are to love, it's Brianna's smiles that I love the most. They're always so open, and so freely given. They're so contagious. And she is completely unable to contain them. Even when she's pouting, you can make her smile. She might go right back to pouting after the smile, but she can't help but smile, regardless.
Today, Brianna was exceptionally giggly. Standing in line at the pharmacy at Wal Mart, waiting to pick up Brianna's formula, Brianna started to get fussy. All it took to have her laughing was a dip. Just a lowering of my right arm, a raising of my left, so that she was tipped upside down, and she was giggling and smiling again.
Later, we took a lunch to my sister at work, and sat and visited with Auntie and the cook, who is a friend of mine, and Brianna was kicking and stepping and arching away, happy as can be. After a while, that gets to be tiring. Especially when she starts tryign to knock us both backwards. So, I started dipping her again. She started laughing and smiling again. I had her sitting on my knees, my hands behind her back, dipping her back and forth. Every time I would raise her up, she would roll her eyes back in her head and tip her head back again to show me that she wanted to go backwards again. She took such glee in such a simple action, it was wonderful.
Later still, creeping up on bedtime, I was playing with her yet again. Doing the same thing. And she was busting out into gales of laughter. Uncontrollable belly laughs, the kind that you can't help but laugh along with. And in that laugh, I didn't hear a baby. I heard a little girl. And I had to face the truth: my baby girl is growing up. She isn't a baby any more, no matter how much she may still look like one, and no matter how much I want her to still be one. She's learning to do things, taking in her surroundings, and becoming so much a little girl, I can't help but look ahead to the years to come, and imagine who she will become. She's such an amazing little thing, and her capacity to learn and do things is as yet untested. It's only been 2 1/2 years since the car accident. Studies show that brain injuries can continue to heal up to 4 years after the injury. So by that token, Brianna can still make some amazing progress in her growth and development. Not to mention the fact that she's not quite three years old. To me, there is still hope for the things she might one day be able to do. Granted, she will more than likely never perform brain surgery, or any kind of surgery for that matter. But she could learn to talk. She could learn to put on a pair of socks. There are still so many things left that she might yet learn to do. And all of those things flash through my mind every time Brianna smiles.
Okay, so the big news of the week: we finally had Brianna measured for her manual wheelchair! We're going for the metallic purple frame with the black upholstery and lavender accents. And it'll have her name embroidered on the seat back. It will take probably two months to get the chair, from the therapists writing the letters, to the doctor sending the referral to insurance, to insurances approval, and the creation of the chair. So maybe by Brianna's birthday, we'll have her wheelchair! That would be so awesome!
In other news, we get to start moving into our brand new 3 bedroom apartment on Wednesday. Well, not brand new. But new to us. It's in the same complex, just with an extra bedroom, a half bathroom downstairs, and a few extra feet of living room. So MAYBE we will have room to put up the dining table, even with Brianna's therapy equipment in the living area.
While this new three bedroom means more room, it is still a two story, and it is still not wheelchair accessible. So I really need to find someplace more suited for our needs. Towards this end, I intend to go down to the housing authority and fill out paperwork to be put on the HUD housing list. Where Brianna is disabled, we'll be bumped to the top of the list. That way, we can maybe find a three bedroom one story house and be able to afford it. That would be awesome. Have a third bedroom to put her therapy equipment in, and still have it one story, so dragging out the equipment isn't a total hassle. Plus, I could set up my scrapbooking stuff in the extra room, too. So it'd serve dual purposes.
So that's the news on this front. What's new with you?
Adopted this from Jessica's blog.
MOUTHOLOGY
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Probably same as Jessica...Taco Bell. Sometimes I just don't feel like eating a burger or fried chicken. But even when nothing sounds appetizing, if I get something at Taco Bell, it is good. Except that one time when the chicken was all dried out and yucky...
Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Applebee's or Red Robin
Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. Typically 10-15%, sometimes, if I'm feeling generous, more. Really, when my sister and I go to a sitdown restaurant, 10-15% of the check is only about $2-3.
Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. Umm...none...I get tired of food quickly. I'm not big on food, really. I wish we could exist without it.
Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Hawaiian. That's Ham, pineapple and olives. Occasionally tomato. If my sister isn't here.
Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. butter and a little bit of jelly or jam. Usually strawberry or seedless blackberry
TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. Me and Brianna last August at Foster Lake
Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. Just the one in the living room
BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right handed
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Yes. Tonsils and adenoids, gall bladder, and a child. Oh, and I think a couple of bone shards from my nose when the doctor straightened it back out after the crash.
Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. Hmm...I just carried a bag of clean laundry upstairs. But I think Brianna might be heavier, and I carried her into the house shortly before that. Then again, the basket of wet towels I carried downstairs earlier was exceedingly heavy. Talk about back breaking!
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. Yes....been put under anesthesia. I blacked out, which caused our wreck. And I passed out again after the guy stopped to make sure Brianna and I were okay.
BULL****OLOLY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No, because then I'd spend all of my time worrying about that day.
Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. I wouldn't change my first name. Someday, though, I'll change my last name. Maybe to McConnaughey or Depp or something like that....
Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. I don't know, really.
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. dirt, sawdust, flies, I'm sure, growing up around goats, there has been a bit of manure in there, too...and hay. Lots of hay
Q. Have you ever saved some one’s life?
A. Not to my knowledge
Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Well, I guess you could say the doctor did. I mean, she didn't let me bleed to death on the operating table during my c-section. So technically, my life was in her hands.
DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Possibly
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. No....I'm not good with pain.
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. As long as I could write in journals.
Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. I might, depending on how tough times were.
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. No way, no how.
Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. No. Not a chance. Not for any amount of money. Unless my daughter's life was in danger.
DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Nothing. I'm in my jammies now. I don't use my left pocket often, anyway.
Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: Umm...I couldn't sit through the whole thing. I hated it.
Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Unless I am drunk, sick, or pregnant, I stand.
Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: I have my sister as a roommate. And Jess, Caspar does NOT live with you! He's here! He's mine!
Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: Four or five, I think.
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: Last time I had any dealings with a police officer was August of 2005, when they were questioning me about the accident.
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Always wanted to be a wife and mommy
LASTOLOGY
Q: Last Friend you talked to?
A: Mary, I think.
Q: Last person who called you?
A: Sarah
FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
A: 3
Q: Season?
A: Summer....love the warmth and the green and the flowers. Summer here is generally relatively mild, so we still have lots of the spring blooms.
CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: Yes.
Q: Mood?
A: depressed.
Q: Listening to?
A: A Backyardigans song on Noggin
Q: Watching?
A: the computer screen. Brianna is watching Noggin behind me.
Q: Worrying about?
A. Too much.
RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A: To get Brianna out of her bed.
Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: I don't know. Go to sleep, I suppose.
Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: The Spiderwick Chronicles in theaters. We Own the Night on DVD.
Q: Do you smile alot?
A: Depends on the day and my mood. Somedays are better than others.
Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Most of the time. But I'm also shy.
Okay, so I was reading Jessica's blog, and she got tagged. She had to tag four other people. I was one of them. Dunno when she planned to tell me, but this is a preemptive strike, so she doesn't have to :-P.
10 years ago-- I was 14, it was the tail end of my freshman year of high school. If we're talking exactly ten years ago, down to minutes and seconds, there's probably a 95% chance I was at Alysha Howell's house, or she was at mine. Either way, we were probably together. Probably looking at her new 4-H pigs.
5 Things on my to do list today were:
Umm...nothing, really. Today was a pretty uneventful day. Let's see if I can think of five things.
1. Eat a bowl of multigrain cheerios
2. Check the mail (My Sister's Keeper STILL isn't here, Jess...darned mail system!)
3. Put Brianna down for a nap
4. Read my book
5. Listen to music
Things I would do if I were suddenly a Billionaire:
Buy a house...a nice one. Buy a new car. Invest some money in some good stocks. Pay off my student loans and other debts. Buy my parents a house and new cars. Track down Brianna's father and kick him in the pants. Haven't decided if I'd kick him in the front of his pants or the rear yet. Take a few more classes to finish my degree, Buy a professional photography studio set up, and take classes to learn to do it well. Put my sister through school. Make sure that Brianna has everything she needs. Hire a maid. Unlike Jessica, I HATE cleaning, and as long as I don't SEE it being done in a way other than my way, I'm fine. And then I'd have money left over to go on a major shopping spree, after liposuction or something :-P
3 of my bad habits:
1. I clear my throat constantly when I'm nervous
2. I'm a packrat
3. I tend to complain a lot
Jobs I've had:
1. Cashier at a grocery store
2. Stock replenishment at JC Penney's
3. Nanny
4. Nursery attendant/director
5. Volunteer Activities Coordinator
6. Clerk/manager at a convenience store
7. Med Aide/Caregiver at an assisted living facility
8. Caregiver at an Adult Foster Home
9. Dietary Aide at a convalescent facility
5 Things people don't know about me:
1. I still have copies of most of the papers and speeches I wrote in high school, and all of the ones I wrote in college.
2. I've submitted a short story to a literary magazine for publication...it wasn't published, but I did submit it.
3. I LOVE LOVE LOVE music. Almost all kinds.
4. If I know a song, I HAVE to sing along. It's a compulsion. Be it singing along to The Backyardigans, Queen, Eminem, or Garth Brooks.
5. A couple of young Mormon guys just knocked on my door. I sent them away. I get Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses knocking on my door at least once a year....I'm a Baptist.
Now I have to tag four people of my own.... I think that will be....Claudia, Lisa, Dawn, and Ellen.
